Diet Coke
by Nathan and Sarah
Summary: This how Maureen wrote over the moon, well it was originally over the cow. Oh well. R&R. Written by Sarah and Emily. GUYS STOP COMMENTING ON JUST THIS STORY!
1. I Need a Cow!

Diet Coke

**Chapter 1: "I Need a Cow!"**

Maureen sat at her cluttered desk, thinking, for a change. She was trying to write _the perfect_ protest to perform at the Eleventh Street lot on Christmas Eve. Something interesting. Something thought provoking. Something that would get the city's attention, but not so bad that she'd get arrested. 'Maybe,' she thought, 'maybe I should ride in on a motorcycle. No, an electric scooter. No! A tandem bicycle. Yes! A tandem bicycle, with Joanne!' She scribbled it down. Maureen, feeling bored, looked out the window at the rising moon. 'Boy,' she thought, 'the moon sure looks an awful lot like my ass.' So, she included the moon in her list of ideas. After all, if something looked like her ass, it had to be a good thing. Then she turned on the TV and found herself watching Sesame Street. Big Bird and Elmo were singing that fucked-up nursery rhyme about the cow jumping over the moon. "Thank you, Big Bird! I always used to think that you and your screwed up friends were on crack, but I guess I was wrong!" She leaped off of her couch and dialed Joanne's number as fast as she could. "Joanne!" she exclaimed breathlessly, "I need a cow!"

Joanne was silent for several seconds. "Where am I going to get a cow in New York City?"

"Ask Mark. Mark has everything."

"Mark is not going to have a cow."

"He can get one, can't he?"

"Maureen, I don't know about this…"

"Just like a lawyer. Always being logical."

"Seriously, Maureen…"

"You know what? I'll get the cow myself," said Maureen, and she hung up. She dug into the fridge and began eating popsicles. By her tenth, she had a stomachache. So she went to the craft store and bought some sticks. "Why didn't I think of this earlier?" she asked as she paid. The nerdy cashier shrugged and winked. He left his phone number on the bottom of her receipt.

"Call me," he mouthed at her as she left.

Maureen flipped him off.


	2. Yard Sale!

Diet Coke

**Chapter 2: "Yard Sale!"**

Maureen was thirsty after she finished her beautiful cow sculpture. So she went to the fridge and grabbed a can of Diet Coke. "Eureka!" she cried, banging her head on the fridge. "Ow…"

Maureen sat down, looking through a big box of old phone numbers that she'd gotten. She pulled them out one at a time, finally coming to a receipt that said, "Elsie- 718-724-7873," across the bottom. 'Elsie,' she thought to herself. 'Sounds like a cow. _The_ cow.' So she named the cow in her protest Elsie.

Later that day, Joanne came over to Maureen's house for no apparent reason. Maureen still had Elsie's number in her hand (she was amused by all the sevens). Joanne noticed it.

"Mo, what's that?" she asked suspiciously.

"Candy bar wrapper," said Maureen calmly, crumpling it up and throwing it away. "Check out what I've written so far!" She showed Joanne her paper.

Last night I had a dream  
I found myself on a planet called Cyberland. It was dry.  
My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.  
Out of the volcano walked a cow - Elsie. I asked if it had anything to drink.  
It said, "I'm forbidden to produce Diet Coke. In  
Cyberland, we only drink ... milk.  
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over my ass."  
They've closed everything real down ...  
like barns and troughs and performance spaces ...  
and replaced it all with lies and  
rules and virtual life.  
But there is a way out..."

Leap of faith, leap of faith  
Leap of faith, leap of faith  
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"  
Leap of faith, leap of faith  
Leap of faith, leap of faith

I gotta get outta here  
It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck,  
being packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a  
cliff by a suicidal Donald Duck.

I've gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta Gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta ...  
Gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta  
Find a way to jump over the moon  
Only thing to do is jump over my ass  
Leap of faith, leap of faith  
Leap of faith, leap of faith

"Uh… Maureen?" said Joanne when she finished reading. "It doesn't make much sense… The whole thing about the cow unable to produce Diet Coke is unrealistic. And what is up with 'the moon' being replaced with 'my ass' randomly?"

"But Joanne, don't you love my ass?"

"Yes, but…"

"But WHAT!"

"The moon and your ass are not the same thing."

"Close enough," Maureen mumbled. "Hey Joanne," she said again. "Do you know what I'm gonna do now?"

"No, Mo, what are you gonna do now?"

"Go to a yard sale!"

"And where will you find one…?"

"Someplace!"  
"In Florida."

"Shut up. Let's go."


End file.
